walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
