As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
