he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize