he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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