I wannas sexs uuuuu
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
