oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
