the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
