your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
