God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
