My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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