Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
