In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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