summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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