I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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