at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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