you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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