sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
