Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
