Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
3 2 1 whiskey
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
