shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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