The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
