Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
