I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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