I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
