Ambien. No doubt about it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
