I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i barfeds in our rink
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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