No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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