Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
