Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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