Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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