I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize