Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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