It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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