I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
