The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
