you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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