So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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