yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
