I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
