Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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