it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
