my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Someone came in the potted fern
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
