I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
