Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How does one acquire holy water?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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