over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Drunk is not a location!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
