I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The feeling are messing with the penis
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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