you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
