week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
