I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize