What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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