Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
