Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are we still banned from the library?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
