I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
