i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
