i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
