We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
