Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize