How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Randomize
