I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
