remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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