um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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