im about as happy as oj after his trial
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
