the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
