I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize