You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
