I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
