If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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