oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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