No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
