I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize